Without you
by Lerean
Summary: Light visits someone in the dark hours of the night.


I stand still on this night I'm too tired to walk through  
Crossing these flowing tears with memory

November 5th.

It was a night the Light dreaded. A night where all his thoughts were against each other.

He remembered things that he'd rather forget, and sometimes he'd forget things that he tried desperately to cling onto.

There are as many farewells as encounters  
But time goes on forever, so I believed  
~

It was dark, the streets were wet from the recent rain and Light, once again, had no idea where he was, or how he got there.

Looking around he realized he was some where he had been before. Albeit, not recently... but he had a strong sense of déjà vu.

He could smell the slightly metallic smell that came after the rain, he could hear the wind sighing softly in the trees, and he could see the night sky. The ghostly white moon was full and big, giving slight illumination to where he was.

~  
Even the words we hurt each other with, I embrace now  
Just turning back I feel alone  
~

"_25% likely that you are Kira, Yagami-kun," _said a soft voice in his ear, but when Light turned to face who ever had just spoken, he was faced with nothing. Just empty darkness.

"_Light, by doing this you are rasing my suspicion that you are Kira,"_

The words sounded so familiar, the voice that spoke them was far too hushed for him to recognise... but there was only one person who said those thing to him.

"Why don't you show yourself?!" he shouted into the darkness, certain that his tormentor was just out of sight.

"_Yagami-kun, you should know the answer to that. You're not an idiot,"_

Light shivered, hearing malice in his tormentor's voice. Not anger. Just malicious misery.

~  
How should I love you  
How could I feel you

"Where are you?!" he called out. He wanted to sound like he wasn't afraid. He wanted to sound like he was dangerous. But the way it came out... it sounded more like he was a little child. A lost, afraid, little child, at that.

"_Light,"_ a voice sneered in his own head, _"So pathetically human..."_

He felt a shiver run down his spine; he knew that voice all too well.

Softly, under his breath, he whispered, "Kira,"

Light shuddered, hearing the laughter in his thoughts, sounding almost like him, but not quite. More insanity than anything else. No human compassion. Just evil insanity. It seemed deeper, with the deep insanity that came with being Kira.

~  
Without you  
Countless memories fill in my time  
~

It made sense that it was the night that L died, Light realized.

Because inside, Kira was celebrating and also inside, Light Yagami was revived... only to break down. To die all over again. And all because of a decision that he, Light, truly wished that he hadn't made.

Kira hadn't always been a present factor in Light's mind... Kira hadn't always been in control. Sometimes he was in control... but that was until the day L died. The day that L died in his arms.

At the beginning, Light had the power to put the note down. To stop, but it was like drug. Slowly making him addicted, until he had no control anymore. Until Light Yagami was gone, and all that was left was the shell of him and an evil soul taking over, an evil soul that called himself, Kira.

The last time he remembered being in complete control was before he picked up the death note for a second time. That time in the Helicopter.

~  
I loved you I hurt you  
I realized the depth of the word of love  
~

Light shut his eyes tightly, trying to block out Kira for just another few moments. To keep his mind his own until at least daybreak of November 6th.

"Ryuzaki..."

The word came out choked; it always did when he wasn't Kira.

When Kira took back control, he sneered the name. Acted as though he were better. But Light... Light Yagami knew that he wasn't.

"Ryuzaki... I- I'm so sorry..."

~  
How should I love you  
How could I feel you  
~

He wasn't supposed to feel this way... he was God!

Gods don't feel... Gods don't regret... Gods don't love...

Maybe he was wrong... maybe he... No! He wasn't more certain of anything else, ever.

~  
Even though I can't see you anymore  
Your memory will live in my heart  
Forever

Light placed a bunch of flowers on L's grave.

And as he stood, he bowed deeply and said softly, "I'll be here again next year, Ryuuzaki"

~  
As well as love does  
So I won't say.... Good bye

As Light looked back at the grave with no name he saw the sun peeking over the horizon and his eyes flickered red and a sneer formed across his face once again.

'_You were always better than him... never forget that...' _whispered the voice of Kira. And once again, Light Yagami agreed, and was under the control of his insanity… his insanity named Kira.


End file.
